Sometimes dreams do come true… For the common man Christmas is merely a yearly birthday party for Christians, but not for me, I’m running on a Christmas- like high everyday of the year! Now, you may ask, why am I running a Christmas like high everyday of the year? Surely it’s not just the Rum and Egg Nog?!
Well, The dream has begun! We’re adults here, we all know the truth about Christmas; Egg Nog and receiving free shit are the best parts… and being a shit climber who receives “sponsorship” is outstanding! (ok, perhaps sponsorship isn’t the right word, but Free shoes from Scarpa! is about as close as I’ll ever get)
There are certain dangers to being a “Sponsored” Climber… Jealousy of the common folk
God you’re good! Not only do you sell shoes that come in sexy colors, have exceptional stickiness and the heel hooking capabilities of Jesus, but mere seconds after putting you on my feet, I had a profusion of attractive women making libidinous commentary on my increase in relative sexual irresistibility. I got the Lace up Vapors they’re like the Muiras, but with better edging and allure (sex appeal…it’s not just for beautiful climbers anymore!)
New “Free” Shoes = Pure Unadulterated Joy
Dear La Sportiva, Evolve, and other shoe companies that haven’t sent us any free shit,
You’re all bitches! However in a sign of goodwill, I could possibly consider forgiving you, but you’ll have to up the ante… perhaps a new rope, shoes and formal letter of apology for not sponsoring us sooner?!
Timeline life of a dirtsquirrel
-Snow in Arkansas?! Let’s roll to Hueco bitches!
-16 hour drive/Sleeping in the front seat of a Cavalier/Being an exceptionally Tall and Beautiful man/Wal-mart parking lot = Urge to die…
-Samantha: This drive sucks… What’s that smell?
Roger: Bananas, definitely burning Banana’s
S: What’s that horrible sound?
R: Bananas, definitely yelling Banana’s
I got to ride in a tow truck!
“Roger… this car appears to be broken… I’m walking”
Samantha on her way to Hueco
-New Mexico has the Carlsbad Caverns and a state cookie (biscochito is a crisp butter and lard based cookie flavored with anise and cinnamon. The first state in America to have a state cookie…. who knew?)
That’s a big ass cavern…
For Stalagmites… size does matter
So you’re 750 feet down in a cave… where do you poo? I’m just really curious where it all goes?
-Hueco bitches! We finally made it!
Krissy (of Team Evolv… after much debate between Samantha and I, we chose to remain friends with Ben and Krissy despite our competing sponsors) Upside down… all yours at V2?!
Ben (though he chooses silly sponsors… we still love him) Flippin’ us off on Glass Bowl V10
The hard life of a sponsored profesional elite level climber… it’s not just all fun and games, sometimes due to the extreme mental focus and the intense physical exertion required just to stay alive, we need to put the same level of hard work into mental and muscle recovery. The secret to mental and muscle recovery you ask? “Hammock time”…