Finally all the hard work and dedication is paying off. After 6 months of effort and determination I’m finally achieving the climbing goals I’m truly passionate and psyched about!
Now, you might ask “Roger, you haven’t climbed in over 6 months and you just fell of that 5.8, now you appear to weeping from exhaustion like a small sick child. How is this achieving your goals? Did you just soil yourself? Can I be ever be as cool as you?”
Answers. To the last question, probably not, but you can always try. To the second, yes… yes, it’s a problem I’m working on. And to the first question, allow me to explain: The typical/boring climber is invariably and continually caught up in an archaic paradigm of goal setting based on self improvement, ie boosting physical strength combined with unflinching determination and mental control. Boring… that shits old. As a post-sponsored elite level athlete I’ve achieved these goals. Time to move on. An enlightened soul like myself transcends established templates of success, and takes his goals to the next level.
My new and improved climbing goal (actually… I think in reality this has always been the dream); being a bearded crusty old trad climber that sandbags the living shit out of the young and fit.
How do I go about achieving this lofty goal? Well, I merely warm up in front of other climber. As I haven’t climbed for 6 months, I’m reduced to redpointing the V0- warm up (which usually results in some heavy breathing and if I’m lucky, gentle vomiting). Then I factually point out a route/local classic/test piece that I have climbed, and say something to the effect of, “oh… I did that lovely route in the spring… what a gem. Oh giver a try, you’ll just love it”. They look at the fat man having a mini heart attack, then back up at the route. At this point I chime in with, “oh yes… it a light rack is all you’ll need.” and BAM! you’ve been sandbagged by the bearded crusty old trad climber.
Never trust climbers with beards.
From my days as a pro climber. I stole this from Climberism Magazine… full spread showing all the beauty of Nova Scotia. More NS climbing porn!