Ultimate Ice Axes of ultimate destiny! Colloquially known as the BD Viper. These weapons of mass destruction are the strong mans tool of choice. With the ability to displace vast amounts of ice, they offer an experience those of the utmost physical burl and mental robustness crave. If you need to pre-emptively shut down a russian revolution, or bash the sweet mercy Jersus out of the local classics, this is the instrument for the job! They are the veritable Excalibur of axes.
Now these particular tools are experienced, which might sound to the untrained ear as “used to shit”, but lets reframe that. Just like a new sex partner, you want ice tools that know what they’re doing. It’s simply safer that way. These axes have seen things! And they’re not fazed! Honey Badgers of the ice world! They’ve frozen their tuckass in Norway, slammed around all the Rockies classics, FA’d all across the maritimes, and even repelled intruders from a poorly thought out evening in Bangkok. I guarantee these tools won’t let you down.
Also these are multi-purpose. They double as Back Scratchers! Got an itch, that reading 50 shades of grey just can’t scratch. Well these Back Scratchers can deal with all sorts of freaky itches.
Of note… They come with an extra fucking pick! How sweet is that!?! No charge!
You might ask yourself, “Why, are those sexy ass tools of ultimate destiny covered in green bike tape?”… Because; 1) Hipsters love the colour choice! 2) It insulates the tool on those especially cold days! 3) It is so grippy, you couldn’t possibly fall off due to loss of grip. Literally, you’ll stick to these tools!
Now you think?! “These tools are amazing! Why could he possibly be selling them?!” Well, it hurts to say, but I’m getting old and soft. I can no longer handle the magnificent destructive power of these ice axes. I’m being forced to be a bitch and go Nomic. Help a brother out?!
Getting after it in the meowtains…
Sheri (member of team Xtreme) cruises up the ultra classic This House of Sky, 500m’s of WI3
So, I’ve had what in the lives of most mere mortals would be considered the best possible month of ones life. As I’ve recently retired, and with this new found retirement, I’ve manage to spend almost every single day, doing something awesome.